"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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