WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
