remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Randomize
