the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
