and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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