I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
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I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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