I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
sex in a hospital.. check
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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