so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Randomize
