I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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