i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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