You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
