yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
