she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
