i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
