I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
