remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
