we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
