8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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