I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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