When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
