My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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