i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
tell me about the fingering
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
