I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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