I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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