dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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