I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
you had me at cake vodka
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
