I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
