In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
