I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
