she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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