I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Randomize
