He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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