just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
