I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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