whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
