I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
