You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Dick very happy bro
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
