my mouth tastes like poor choices
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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