I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Randomize
