Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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