i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
