went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
