They should really pass out barf bags in church
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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