I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Randomize
