I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
God, I missed his penis.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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