White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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