at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
