he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
