About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
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