Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
