she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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