unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
