My underwear smells like fireworks.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
My vagina is officially offended.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
