What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
