Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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