Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize
