You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
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